I have struggled for several months. I can say that I was easily judging others of what they did or their actions or even their appearances. I felt so BAD in my thoughts and in my heart. I felt no joy and no peace. I couldn’t concentrate when I prayed and meditating the Words. In my heart, I heard little voice said that I was wrong and needed God to renew me once again.

Last Wednesday, in my Character Building session, there was a couple that used by God to tell me what should I do to overcome the situation I was in. They asked us, “Whom will you share your situation and feeling when you are in temptation? Is it your spouse? Is it your close friend? Or is it person that you trust in your church?” They shared an analogy about “The Lion and I in a house” The analogy was telling us that the person had a lion as her pet. She kept the lion in its’ room and locked it in. One day, she went out for working. When she came back home, the lion escaped and made a big mess in the house. She was afraid of the lion. She caught it and locked it in it’s room again and she built more wall around it’s room. She was truly afraid of her own pet but then she felt safe after knowing that the lion was in its room with double-wall.

She went to work as usual. One day, she found out the lion was escape again from its room. But it was as mess as the first time. Then she had an idea to tame the lion. She tried and the lion was tamed. She allowed the lion walk around the house and she felt no fear but she was aware of it. She felt safe but need to be aware. Thus, the lion could go wherever it wanted to go.

This analogy tells us that we have “a lion” in our lives whether I realize its existence or not. Mostly, I feel it’s alright with the existence of the lion as long as it doesn’t distract me from what I want to do. But I was wrong! It is distracting me even “the lion” creates “a mess” in my life, my thoughts, and my attitudes. My lion is my pride as the first child and the best in my family even among my cousins. God is so gracious to me by sending his servants to tell me the truth. I praised God that time. I need to be honest to others whom I trust and ask them to pray for me. I cannot do anything to overcome “the lion” in my life without God’s power and help. I need God to be aware of “the lion” and need God to lock and destroy it in my life. This lion influence me to judge others according to my way. God doesn’t like that. I felt so uncomfortable and had no peace, unsafe and afraid. But after the session, I tried to practice what I have learned and God is healing and renewing me…until now…

Moreover, I am still struggling with my own judge to others. Still! I need some more leading from God to go out from this feeling and action. That was on Wednesday God spoke to me through the couple, then on Friday at the same week, God spoke to me again what should I did through the same couple. We had a fellowship at the last day of the training last week and we invited the couple to share Word of God to us. He shared about what he had struggle for months until one day at a conference his wife and he went to see a counselor and the counselor told him to think and pray for 3 things:

1. What is your stronghold in your life and mind? Think and pray about it.
2. You have choice: condemn or intercede. Which one do you choose?
3. Ask and pray a little prayer that you need that God reveal in your life.

I was SO AMAZED the way how God answer the questions in my heart. He is always right on time never delay nor late nor too soon! He knows exactly what we need in spiritual and physical. He knows every heart of men. He searches to the deepest of man’s heart…

I believe that is God’s words to me and He wanted me to do that. I am practicing those 3 steps and I am learning how to sit under God’s feet and listen to Him, spending time more with him which I didn’t have enough during the training. My prayer is God to show me the way, his mind and his desire, and help me to keep focus on God in everything I do, I say, I think, I feel and I react… My desire that God will show what is in his heart more that before…

I need to learn to forgive those who has made me sad and hurt my feeling. I am learning to intercede for them and bless them though they didn’t say sorry to me… I am learning how to humble myself before God and others. Please pray for God’s power enable me to do His will.

~Helen Maria